We would do anything for our child, even what we are not able to. This is the natural instinct that we as human beings have and that most people share. Our children are born to us when they “decide” to come to us and not when we plan or are able to ideally control it.
We are often not in the ideal situation or life circumstances when our children are born. However the minute that we hear or see their heartbeat everything changes whithin and around us. Our focus shifts and that natural, deep instinct becomes alive in most of us.
My daughter came to me in the middle of an art project I started two years before she came. Before that I always thought my artworks were my babies, my everything. For them I would have done anything.
I was truly shocked when I realized a new Being on its way to life, and I was not sure about her at all. This shade of doubt and fear however faded the instant I heard and saw her heartbeat on the screen.
I knew she had a mission to come alive and she had a life purpose to fulfill through mine.
How do you fulfill your own life purpose while supporting the steps towards an own purposeful life of a child, showing and teaching her how to eventually fulfill her own by herself? This was a question that continously came up and gave me sometimes contradictory feelings.
I often struggled with the thought that I have to “give up” for a while my own dreams in the relative terms.
It was a wrong thought I knew deep inside, because in absolute terms being besides my daughter and supporting her very first steps was part of my own life purpose too. During these years my focus shifted entirely and there were absolutely no visions in front of me, no burning passion to paint, no drive to create.
So much did my focus shift that once the first realizations came that it was time to turn my focus back to my own life purpose, I felt guilty to want to create while I have a child.
I felt that creating was not right and it was something I cannot “afford” myself to do.
Thoughts of self doubt started haunting me and I felt even worse than before. My creative processes got to a hault again.
It was not until life threw an even harder period at me, during which I lost the very last sparkle of passion I had whithin me, my very last beliefs in myself and my art, that I woke up from the years of nightmare.
During these nightmarish times I felt even guiltier than before, this time not because of my sense of not “affording” such a thing besides focusing on my daughter but because of external events, circumstances that I was effected by acutely.
I had to hit rock bottom to wake up and realize I have been living in my own false beliefs. It was then that I came to realize that I give to my daughter by fulfilling my own life purpose, aim, dream which is creating.
I slowly woke up to the truth that being fulfilled, in peace with myself, joyful and passionate on my path is my real responsability towards my daughter.
She learns through me, through what she sees and experinces with me and she will be a valubale person, someone who will also seek to give from herself to others by having the same experience in her every day life through mine.
When I am filled with the life energy to fulfill my life purpose, this same life energy spills over to her and, like a torch of light shows the pathway to both.
My fulfilment is hers too, my joy, happiness and passion becomes her tool, her truth and way of living too.
The first sense of joy when seeing the heartbeat of our child becomes for many a struggle later on: a struggle to decide what is more important, to making choices of whether realizing ourselves or sacrificing our dreams for the sake of our childrens’.
The truth behind this is that it is never a question of choice and there is no need for struggle.
We can only give to others, to our children of what we have. We can only give as much amount of joy, passion, positivity, strength to our children as much we ourselves have within. And the real source of all this is always within ourselves to seek and to find by living and having the courage to live fully our life purposes.