Emotions are my music

Music is a form of art that so many people are able to relate to.

Music is like a balm for our inner world, transforming it instantly into rhythms and melodies, energies, bringing out a huge scale of emotions.

As an artist I always needed music to bring out my most inner emotions at the instant and to use them for my creativity. I could never create without having some sort of music going on in the space I was working in. It was always different, depending on the moment whether it was rhythmical, quick, slow, filled with melody, classical, etc. Whatever I created was in harmony with the music and with my feelings of the moment.

It happened three years ago that I repressed my emotions, I became scared of them and I felt I could not handle them. I shut out music from my life, since it evoked those very emotions. The music that before gave me life and creative energy became something that I could not bare to listen to. I could not face my emotions and so it became easier for me to shut them into a box and bury it in my depth. I stopped creating, using my emotions as my guides, and whenever I heard music I aimed to stop it or to go away from it.

Music became like a sign for me to bring those emotions up, to face them and then to use them to create again. But my fear was stronger.

From time to time I had moments of relief, when I could create for a very short time but all without music. And then I buried my potential to express myself again into the deep.

Notwithstanding this, I deeply knew that one day music and creation will come back to my life again. I did not know how but I knew it would happen. Like the sun that keeps aiming to come out from the clouds, to keep its rays alive my desire for music and for creating again peeped out and started to be alive again after a few years of silence.

It happened like a wake up from a long and deep sleep or coma that I heard the music I used to create with some years ago. I caught myself actually enjoying it and the emotions that I buried because they caused me fear and pain before, were dancing with joy and thoughts of growth.

I was amazed and caught myself having tears running down my face.

I was able to listen to music and to imagine creating and expressing myself again! I felt Heaven opening up within me!

There are no words to the sense of freedom I felt then. It was liberating and at once fulfilling. I knew the time has come to create again with music and all the energy it can give to my emotions. However I realised something much more important than this. I realised that emotions are part of our human lives, and that in whatever form they appear they are energies in motion. They are there to give signals to us, to move us, to make use of them, to realise things in our life, to make changes happen, to create new life forms, environments, situations.

They never stay, unless we keep them tied down. They are like clouds, the weather or the seasons, forever changing and moving.

In our society emotions do not play much roles, globalised, linear, structured and organised thinking give not much place for emotions to play their part. Our emotions belong to us and they are necessary for us to warn, or guide or make use of them and have new, fresh thoughts. This is why music, when heard has such a power that no structured thinking can grasp. It permeates our skin and our cells, reaching out to the strings of our Souls, playing a separate music there within our own inner Universe.

Music, in its multitude of variations of rhythms, beats, scales, tones and vibrations has the capability to open up our hearts and imaginations.

No wonder so many people in modern cities drive, walk, sit in public transportations with their music and their earplugs. It brings us to our own inner World, where we can face our emotions and imagine.

I realised something else that has taught me something even more: not to be scared of my deepest emotions and to live with them in harmony. Knowing that these very emotions, like the tunes of music come and go, skip away leaving us feeling alive and teaching us to live again.

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